Hidden Thoughts
by Kitty Kat K.O
Summary: We can question life all we want. But what makes it - the situations we get involved in or the people in it? Kai-centric drabble. Hinted RayxMariah


This is my first Beblade fic, so please be nice. Also, it's something I don't normally write. I just figured I hadn't posted anything in a while and this little drabble would be fun to do. Yes, it is Kai-centric, but if I publish any more stories for this fandom, they probably won't be. But you never know…

Anyway, I don't own Beyblade. Enjoy!!

Hidden Thoughts 

We can question life all we want. Why we have such hopes and dreams, but do nothing to act upon them. Why we say something, and then turn around and do something else. Why we destroy what brings us happiness out of our own cruel, greedy nature. A nature to want, to crave, to build ourselves to be 'perfect'; a word which has no meaning, simply because it does not exist. Nothing can ever be 'perfect', so why do we lead ourselves to believe we can be. Our way of life may be different around the globe, but when it all comes down to it, we're the same. Human Nature. It's destructive, violent, deadly - the furthest thing from perfect that could ever be.

So, if everyone else is like that, why do I feel isolated? Alone in my search for ultimate perfection? Why do I feel like the only one cursed with this hunger for knowledge, power? Even when I had what I thought was everything I ever needed sitting in the palm of my hand, I was unsatisfied. I needed _more. _But what more could I have?

I thought my life was finally going my way, not my grandfather's. If I gave him what he wanted, I would get what I wanted. I've always been a solitary person, relying on myself and nothing but myself. As far as I was concerned, I didn't need anybody there for me. I could look after my own life and I didn't need any guidance. I didn't want anybody telling me what to do. I just didn't want anybody, end of story….No, that's a lie. Something I've told myself for as long as I can remember. Because the truth is, I did want someone. I wanted someone to care for me and love me the way I never had been before. However _they _didn't want _me. _

I guess I was lucky though. After I moved to Japan, I made a few friends. Well, they weren't really friends. A gang more like. People that hung round me, doing the only thing I knew how to love. Beyblade. True, together, we weren't exactly nice - stealing other people's blades off them isn't something you would do out of the kindness of your heart. Stealing. It doesn't seem just to say we were winning them, claiming them as our prize for the victory of a match. It was selfish, I know that now.

I didn't ever think we could be beaten. As a whole, we were the best blader's there were. I was even the national champion. However, one stubborn, optimistic boy changed that. Tyson. How was I supposed to know the annoying kid would become a big part of my life after that day? Sometimes, he's too just too much for me to handle. I don't want to put up with his foolish antics anymore, but for some reason, I have to. What was that reason again….oh yeah, I'm team captain. More like team babysitter. I swear, if I didn't know any better, I'd say they were overgrown children. He and Max and Kenny… They're just too - urrgh! I can't find a word to describe it. I can't think straight. They're all shouting and screeching downstairs, running and scampering about. Probably taking advantage of the fact I've come to think and I'm not forcing more training down their necks.

Wait…I can only hear the three of them. Ray must have gone somewhere. In all seriousness, without him, I would have left this team long ago. He provides at least a little bit of sanity in my overly crazy world. Even if all he does when I'm around him is talk about Mariah. Honestly…that pink-haired catgirl comes up in every conversation we have. It doesn't take a genius to work out that Ray's besotted with her. It's completely disgusting; and yet, I want someone I can talk about, think about, _feel about _in that way too. But I guess some people weren't meant to love, or be loved. Namely, me.

I try not to have emotions. I try to block them out. They're a nuisance. They only cause me aggravation. Anger and frustration seem to get the better of me though, mostly surfacing in front of my other teammates. And mostly directed at my other teammates.

Sometimes I wish I was someone else. Someone who was friendlier, better. Sometimes I wish my past hadn't happened. That I hadn't experienced the hurt and hatred I grew up with. But then again, if none of this had happened, I wouldn't have my current life as captain of a world-class team of Beybladers. I wouldn't have these people in my life. No matter how annoying or irritating they can get (which I must admit, is most of the time), at the end of the day, they're the people who care about me. And that is what matters…isn't it?

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**A/N: **Ok, how was it? Just a little drabble I decided to write out of boredom. But that doesn't mean I don't want reviews!! You know you want to - the button's just there!!

KO xoxo


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